Welcome to Help Me Help Momma!

This site is the home for a community of people who are serving as caregivers for a spouse, parents or other loved ones. Caregiving can be a lonely, thankless job! The purpose of this unique web-site is to create an on-line home. Where caregivers in the trenches can get good information from experts and from each other. We will feature audio and video content of leading experts who will give various caregiving tips. Things you need to know to make your job easier.

If you are one of the millions of “Barraged Boomers”. Which we define as frazzled Age 50 – 60 somethings. And who are also providing some level of care for a parent at home. You are in the right place. We are very familiar with the “frazzled” stage. Since we have both been there. Juggling work, your own family, your civic or church responsibilities AND providing care for a parent will definitely make one frazzled!


We will update this blog often.  We encourage you to leave comments and post stories.  Our goal is to create a community where we help each other.  Welcome to Help Me Help Momma!

About the Author

Doug & his wife Cindy have not only helped hundreds of families with their estate planning and elder law needs over the years, but have personal experience as caregivers and advocates for their Loved Ones as well.

  • Yes, I am definitely feeling frazzled balancing working full time, caring for my mom in our home and spending time with my husband. It is definitely not something we signed up for. I feel like I have to give up my life to care for my mom. Of course, my mom doesn’t realize the drain caring for her has been on me and my husband.

  • I may be the only person in the universe who hates my caregiver role. Mom has been very needy all of my adult life. I was much closer to my Dad. Mom also has a very rare disease with expensive medicine and a life support pump. Because of these issues she can’t go to nursing home or get hospice care even though she needs it. It is the most frustrating situation imaginable and I have really had it. I am trapped here- haven’t been able to go away for even an overnight in years-no one else knows how to deal with rare medicine. Vacation means brother has to come up from Florida to NY to care for her. It is too much to ask of a caregiver. I really want to run away

  • I too feel frazzled, iam the the care giver of my father inlaw who is 90 and my mother that’s 80. With very little help from my husbands family or mine. I fell a few months back and broke my hip had surgery, my sister came for two weeks , then I was on my own again . It’s so very hard to keep them safe & clean. My father inlaw is in a wheelchair with little mobility but still has his mind at times. My mother was and is spoiled rotten and wants me to do everything for her.the family just don’t get it at all. Sad they don’t call or visit ,and when I call they don’t even ask how he’s doing. I feel lost and alone. I love them but they are a hand full for sure. Thanks for letting me vent

    • Kim. Feel free to come to this blog to vent anytime! That’s why we’re here. I encourage you to look into opportunities for respite care. Some Assisted Living Facilities and Nursing Homes offer 1 – 2 week respite breaks. Also, home care companies provide assistance. Keep up the great work but take care of yourself. Best wishes!

  • My husband and I took on the responsibility of caring for my 92 year old Mom after the Doctors said she could no longer live alone. We looked into an assisted living home, but she didn’t have enough income to support it and we would literally have to drive her into poverty and apply for medicaid to make it work. When Mom had to be in a nursing home for rehab, I would visit her everyday and realized that I could do much better for her at home – at this time – so I took early retirement and we are doing this, a day at a time. She agrees along with my brothers, that as along as I can do this and she is comfortable with the arrangement and without harming myself, we will take care of her, when it comes that I can no longer do this, that we will find a good assisted living facility for her. So I have to say, I understand that you have to try – but only if you can really feel as if you can do the caregiving and that it will be good for your parent and that it doesn’t harm you or your family.

    • Thanks for the comment Hanna. I agree that you have to try. It sounds like you are doing a great job! Most importantly you have a plan for the future. When it gets to the point where care at home is no longer in the best interest of your Mom or your family, you have already looked at Assisted Living Facilities. Keep up the good work and Best wishes on your caregiver journey with your Mom.

  • It is a difficult situation. I think the caregiver gets stressed to the point of depression and may be resentful. Guilt is felt. But think about the stress of a sole caregiver who works full time.

    I lay here in bed wondering if my mother who will be 74 this weekend, will get out of her recliner and go to bed. It’s now 12:15 am. I got diagnosed w shingles today, my blood pressure is very high, I’m depressed and feel that this will not end. If something happens to me, or the sole caregiver, them mom will need to go to a nursing home. What is worse? What is the right thing to do? There is no answer. We try to keep our loved ones safe and happy, but we begin to breakdown and become ill to the point of Developing anxiety and Heath problems.

    I have been a caregiver to my mom for 14 years. I’m now 50. My mother has Parkinson’s and now cellulitis in both legs. She’s broken her hip and fallen several times. I’m sickened by the lack of help I get and the home health aides do nothing.

    • Nikki. Thanks for your comments. It sound like you are long overdue for a break. Here are a few thoughts: (1) If no family is available to help, consider scheduling home care providers to help. I would suggest that you speak to several home care companies and ask for references that you can call. Also talk to the caregivers before they start. They need to know what is important to do while you are gone. (2) Some ALF’s and Nursing Homes offer 1 – 2 week respite care to allow you to have time to refresh and regroup. (3) Your question is on point – what happens if something happens to you? It’s not unusual for home caregivers to get sick to the point where they can no longer care for their loved one. At this point, the loved one often has to go to the Nursing Home. I hope that you can get some help so that you can care for yourself and your Mom. I also suggest that you join our Facebook community for caregiver tips and insights. Best wishes on your caregiver journey with your Mom.

  • On March the sixth it will be two years since my husbands stroke. In the twenty plus years of our marriage he has almost died eight times all except one was because he wouldn’t take his blood pressure and heart medications. The other was when we found out he had diabetes. There are times when I truly resent having to care for him because he was never here for our son, my son from a previous relationship or his grown children and grand children from his first marriage. What makes this even harder is my youngest son has Aspergher’s and I have health issues myself. I get help during the week because insurance pays for him to go to Adult Day Care five days a week, he is gone for five hours a day. But it still makes me a prisoner in my own home because unless my youngest is home I can’t go out without having to worry if I will be home in time for him to get in the house. Because he has Vascular Dementia from the strokes before his major one and not taking his medicine we don’t give him a house key nor does he carry a wallet. He has taken to stealing and lieing. When he had the stroke I found out he had been spending time with his so called friends giving them money, drinking and maybe using drugs. I have come to grips with all that because I am a Christian but it’s hard when he starts accusing me of things or thinks he has to know where I am 24/7 when before the stroke he only slept here and ate. I don’t have power of attorney, so far when I call the insurance company he is able to give his permission for me to talk on his behalf. I have built a relationship with all his doctors and we signed paperwork giving them permission to speak to me. I am starting to get burned out.

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